Funny Quotes

- Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in elevator.


~ Lemony Snicket



- Accept who are you.Unless you're a serial killer.


~ Ellen DeGeneres



- Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.


~ Albert Einstein



- It's not because I want to make out with her.Hold on.He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me.I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit.


~ John Green



- A word to the wise ain't necessary,it's the stupid ones who need advice.


~ Bill Cosby



- Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.


~ Mae West



- The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable.Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.


~ Rachel Vincent



- Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior and the kid about to wet his pants.Guess who I was.


~ D.J.MacHale



- She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.


~ John Green



- If we're mad, we're mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.


~ Shannon Hale



- I was born with an adult head and a tiny body.Like a 'Peanuts' character.


~ Jon Stewart

Life Quotes

- In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.


 ~ Robert Frost




- To live is the rarest thing in the world.Most people exist, that is all.


 ~ Oscar Wilde



- But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.


~ Khaled Hosseini



- Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not        living.


~ Jonathan Safran Foer




- Get busy living or get busy dying.


~ Stephen King



- Life is to be enjoyed, not endured.

~ Gordon B.Hinckley



- Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too.They live inside us, and sometimes they win.

~ Stephen King



- Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?

~ Audrey Niffenegger



- This is your life ant its ending one moment at a time.

~ Chuck Palahniuk



- Don't be afraid of death, be afraid of an unlived life.You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.

~ Natalie Babbitt



- That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.

~ Emily Dickinson

Inspirational Quotes

- Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.

~ Oscar Wilde



- Be the change that you wish to see in the world.

~ Mahatma Gandhi 



- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt



- I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

~ Thomas Edison 



- It is never too late to be what what you might have been.

~ George Eliot



- Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

~ Theodore Roosevelt



- When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often wee look so long at the closed door that wee do not see the which has been opened for us.

~ Helen Keller



- I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

~ Audrey Hepburn



- Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

~ Winston Churchill



- If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

~ Maya Angelou



- Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible !'.

~ Audrey Hepburn

Humor Quotes

- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

~ Steve Martin 



- All you need is love.But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

~ Charles M.Schulz



- I find television very educating.Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

~ Groucho Marx



- I am free of all prejudice.I hate everyone equally.

~ W.C.Fields



- Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.

~ Suzanne Collins



- Some people never go crazy.What truly horrible lives they must lead.

~ Charles Bukowski



- He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.

~ J.K.Rowling



- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

~ Billy Sunday



- Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

~ Terry Pratchett



- It means 'Shadow-hunters:Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.

~ Cassandra Clare



- I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

~ Woody Allen