Funny Quotes

- Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in elevator.


~ Lemony Snicket



- Accept who are you.Unless you're a serial killer.


~ Ellen DeGeneres



- Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.


~ Albert Einstein



- It's not because I want to make out with her.Hold on.He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me.I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit.


~ John Green



- A word to the wise ain't necessary,it's the stupid ones who need advice.


~ Bill Cosby



- Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.


~ Mae West



- The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable.Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.


~ Rachel Vincent



- Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior and the kid about to wet his pants.Guess who I was.


~ D.J.MacHale



- She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.


~ John Green



- If we're mad, we're mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.


~ Shannon Hale



- I was born with an adult head and a tiny body.Like a 'Peanuts' character.


~ Jon Stewart